2007年10月26日 星期五
World Wrestling Entertainment(WWE)
It is interesting for me to watch WWE program. Some people think it is a violence channel even though those wrestlers just want to entertain people. Sometimes, their action seems so vivid that I can’t identify whether it is a real fight or not. One of the wrestlers, Jone Cena, who I like most. He holds the longest record of the champion. His performance is outstanding, besides, he is also a hip hop singer. He has ever said “Don’t try this at home”, which means don’t imitate what they have done on TV. Wrestle is a danger career,but they have well trained for a long time. People should not try; otherwise, you may be in the hospital soon.
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The expression "He has ever said" isn't English. In this case, it probably ought to be "He always says" or "He once said" or just "He said".
Your remarks about Jone Cena are a bit strange. In particular, the sentence "His performance is outstanding, besides, he is also a hip hop singer" is especially bad. You can tell the reader that you like Cena the most because he's been champion longer than anyone else, he always puts on an outstanding show, and, when he's not wrestling, he's a hip-hop singer. But when you say "besides, he is also a hip hop singer", you make two mistakes. First, you misuse the word "besides". In this case, it's wrong. Second, by using "besides" as a conjunction this way, you make a run-on sentence, one sentence that should be two sentences.
Your conclusion seems to support the idea that WWE is all about violence, don't you think?
you can add more details about WWE in your article.
you show me you are really enojoy watching this program because you are a big fan of one of the wrestlers.Good in depicting!!
I don't think it is really a TV show that is so violent. I know lots of girls love it, personally, I used to watch it when I was in senior high.
I'm quite surprised that you like Wrestle competition because not so much people like to watch it includeing me. Your general idea is clear, but I just don't understand why Jone Cena is a wrestler and also a pop singer? You can describe more details about that part.
You should add more details about WWE. But don't metion Cena is a hip hop singer because your topic is WWE. Hip hop singer is not related to WWE. Otherwise, readers will confuse that you like Cena in WWE or Cena in hip hop star. Maybe you can explain more about him.
Maybe you can tell the readers that even though wrestling is dangerous, but what they do on TV is just entertaining people.
It is a special interesting hobby.
Your article is quite clear, but is some part of article you can give readers more specific ideas inside. That will better.
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